


Drowning in Dirt

by auburnimp



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Crack, Free! Kink Meme, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:33:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auburnimp/pseuds/auburnimp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin was repeatedly raped, beaten and abused in Australia leaving him cold and unresponsive.  Can anyone pull him out of the mire he's buried in?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter only gives hints as to what happened to Rin but he will experience very graphic flashbacks and nightmares as the story progresses. These might upset some readers.
> 
> Prompt here: http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/1476.html?thread=873924#cmt873924

It was over. Five years of constant mental, physical and sexual abuse which had left their marks on both his mind and body. He was going back to Japan, only a train ride from Iwatobi but he would never return there. How could he? What the hell could he say to them? Makoto would be sympathetic and that would break him, Nagisa would pretend like it never happened and Haru… Haru would give him that haughty stare before turning his head away, this time forever.

Rin threw his bag on the bottom bunk. He didn’t care who he was sharing with, they got the top bunk. One thing he’d learned in his last year in Australia was how to fight back. He’d grown tall and the muscles from constant swimming practice had been useful to trade punches and kicks. There had been less of them to fight off, the older ones having left and new meat arriving with every intake. He should have protected those new kids perhaps but he was too damaged to care anymore. There was also a strong sense of relief when they gradually left him alone. 

He started to unpack and was in the process of placing clothing in the top drawer of the dresser when the door opened to admit a kid with grey hair and a mole under his right eye. The kid came to a halt, staring at him. 

“What?” he demanded irritably. 

The boy bowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I think we’re sharing. I hope you don’t mind.” 

Rin shrugged. “Why should I mind? You’ve got the top bunk and the bottom drawer in the dresser.” 

The boy was flustered for some reason Rin couldn’t comprehend. He shut the drawer and retreated to the bottom bunk. “There, I’m out of your way now. What’s your name?” 

“Nitori Aiichirou. I’m a first year. They said you were too.” 

Rin shrugged. “It’s my first year here. I was in Australia before.” 

Nitori dropped the pile of underwear he’d dug out of his bag and stared again. “You’re Matsuoka Rin? Everyone is talking about you. I think they’re hoping for pointers or something as you’re said to be the best.” 

Did the kid ever stop talking? “I’m not sure if I’ll swim at all.” And I’m not the best, I know that now. 

A pair of large aquamarine eyes caught Rin’s attention as they gazed at him. “But…you have to swim Matsuoka-senpai. It would be such a waste if you didn’t.” 

Rin sighed and leaned back against the wall as he drew his feet up onto the bed. “We’ll see but I’m not going to promise.” 

Nitori went back to unpacking his things, chattering all the while. “I saw you swim the relay in the junior tournament. I was three years younger so in a different class. We still didn’t win though. You guys were amazing.” 

Rin didn’t want to be reminded of friends he could never connect with again. “Do you ever stop talking?” he asked irritably. 

Nitori flushed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and finished unpacking in silence. 

Rin waited until the kid had stowed his bag before asking, “Where do we go for meals? I didn’t get the orientation tour as I was out of the country.” 

The kid gave a start, beamed brighter than the sun, then ran to a thick folder on the bookshelf. “This provides all the information you need for finding your way, there’s even a map. It provides meal times and library times and everything.” He glanced up, his expression reminding Rin of a dog who’d provided his master’s slippers and awaited a reward. 

Rin felt sick, Nitori was as outgoing and enthusiastic as he’d been when he’d first arrived in Australia. He would have to watch for bullies although he didn’t think there would be as many here as there had been there. “Thanks,” he murmured and took the folder. 

Dinner would be served between five and seven this evening and after that depending on the sitting assigned. Rin glanced at his watch and put the folder down. “Do I need the map or are you ready to eat?” 

If the kid had a tail it would be wagging now. “I’m ready, senpai.” 

Rin rolled off his bed and stood up. “Let’s go then.” 

* 

It was the following day when his sister sent him a text. “Your old relay team are going to collect the trophy tonight.” He shut his phone muttering, “Damn you, Gou.” 

Part of him desperately wanted to see both the trophy and his friends again but the larger, frightened part wanted to avoid them altogether. Perhaps if he went early enough he could get the trophy and his father’s photo before they got there. He couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day and finally made up his mind to go. 

He dug up the tin and retrieved the trophy easily enough and he began to relax as he headed towards the lounge where the photos should be. The sound of voices made him pause then Makoto’s frightened squeal urged him on, wanting to reassure his old friend he wasn’t a ghost. 

“Who is it?” Nagisa’s voice heard from the shadows. 

“How should I know?” Makoto was belligerent which meant he was scared. Sighing Rin stepped into the lighter area. 

Nagisa immediately rushed him, almost pressing him against the wall. He had to fight hard not to push the younger boy off him. He couldn’t bear to be pinned. “Rin-chan! You’re back from Australia!” 

Rin’s attention fixed on Haruka. Push them away. Don’t taint them with your filth, especially not Haru. “Haru, are you still hanging out with these guys? You never learn.” 

Nagisa and Makoto exchanged confused glances while Haru returned his cold words with equally icy calm. “What about you? Have you learned anything?” 

Rin swallowed his pain. Oh, yes, he’d learned plenty. Stuff he’d never needed to learn like just how much agony a body could take before the mind screamed enough and shut down. Push them away! He plastered a smirk on his face. “Why don’t I show you? Let’s race, Haru.” 

They strode towards the pool, Haru appearing angry, and stripped down to jammers. So engrossed in each other it was only Makoto’s warning shout which stopped them diving into an empty pool. “Lame,” Rin spat out and dressed quickly. Push them away! 

He held up the trophy. “Did you come here for this? I don’t need it anymore.” He deliberately let it fall at their feet before turning away and leaving the building, his heart full of broken glass shards.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's memories often get the better of him.

It was a long walk from the pool to the locker room but Rin didn’t make it beyond the showers. There were three of them who, to his young eyes, looked to be in their final year. He wasn’t to learn they were only sixteen until later. “Hello, Madam Butterfly.”

He didn’t like the nickname he’d been given. But when the Japanese boy turned out to be best at that particular stroke it was inevitable really. He put up with it in a vain attempt to be inconspicuous. It never worked. He stood out like a sore thumb. “What do you want?” 

“Now is that any way to speak to your betters?” The speaker was the tallest of the boys, the one they followed. Rin remembered his name, Eric Parker. 

Rin turned off the shower, desperate to get away from these predators. And he’d thought he was a shark, pathetic. He padded towards the locker room only to be grabbed from behind. “Not so fast, little butterfly.” 

Strong hands lifted him and he was carried, kicking, screaming and biting when a hand was clamped over his mouth. “You little shit, you’ll pay for that. Damn your teeth are sharp.” 

He was dumped on the floor of the locker room and immediately kicked by the three. He tried to squirm away, tried to get under benches, tried screaming until they shoved a towel in his mouth and he gagged on it. 

Then he went wild, as they pulled down his swimsuit, and flailed both arms and legs to no avail. “Hold him down over the bench. I want first go at him.” 

Something large was pressed against the crack of his ass, was pushed in without preparation or lubrication and he screamed round the towel at the sheer agony of the penetration. Then Eric let out a grunt and wet warmth filled his insides. The next boy was quick to follow, if anything even rougher. By the time the third was pounding into him he passed out. 

He came awake with a shout and sat up, shaking. Nitori’s head appeared over the side of the bunk. “Are you all right, Matsuoka-senpai?” 

He nodded, not ready to speak yet. He needed to gain control first. “I’m fine,” he managed after a few moments. “It was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.” 

Nitori looked dubious. “As long as you’re sure, senpai.” 

Rin sighed. “I’m sure.” 

Nitori’s head disappeared and Rin settled back down. He remembered his first visit home and bumping into Haru. He’d felt bad as he’d promised to call Haru and Makoto when he returned for the New Year holidays, but how could he after what had happened? He suggested they swim together, knowing that Haru would still beat him but also knowing it would be a good excuse for him to cry without giving away the real reason for his tears. 

He’d told Haru he was going to quit swimming and he’d meant it. If he quit he wouldn’t have to go back to Australia, wouldn’t have to face Eric Parker and his friends. He was almost happy as he went home, until he remembered the sacrifices his mother had made so he could spend five years improving his swimming in Australia. He couldn’t quit, couldn’t stay in Japan. He had to go back. 

So he had returned but he stopped fighting back. He let Eric Parker and his mates do whatever they wanted just to avoid the beatings, but that hadn’t worked either. Eric liked to hurt him, liked to beat him bloody, liked to share him with all his friends, one after the other. Didn’t matter if he fought back or not, he still existed in a world of pain. 

Of course, they kept most of the damage confined to where his suit would cover it but the occasional bruise would show. He began to feel like an abused wife making excuses about how clumsy he was to protect the guilty. He’d been told in graphic detail what would happen to him if he breathed a word of what happened. 

By the third year, they’d found someone else to pick on and Eric and his gang had left. However, they’d let the next year down in on the ‘games’ so he still got cornered from time to time. 

When his five years were up the school had offered to let him do his last year free of charge as he’d made such enormous strides in his swimming. He refused and transferred to Samezuka. Now all he had to do was live with the events of the past. 

He sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anymore tonight. He dressed quietly, not wanting to wake Nitori, and made his way to the pool. As he pushed open the door he thought he must be hearing things. But no, there it was again, the clear, bell-like sounds of Nagisa’s giggle and a lot of splashing. 

He found not only Nagisa but Haruka and Makoto in the pool. “What the fuck are you guys doing here?” 

Nagisa grinned up at him. “We came to see you, Rin-chan.” 

“I told you I don’t need all that anymore.” 

Haru surfaced then and Rin was lost. Those glorious blue eyes gazed up at him. “Free,” he said. 

Rin stepped back a pace as if Haru had physically slapped him. How the hell could he be free now? He would carry the dirt and the filth for the rest of his life. “Huh?” 

Haru pulled himself out of the pool, water sliding off his lean body. Rin backed off another step as Haru advanced. “Did you forget? I told you I only swim free. Show me that sight again. I’ve forgotten what it is I saw.” 

Rin took a deep breath. “I can do that, but it won’t be the same. This time I’ll show you something completely different.” 

Haru shrugged and moved to a block. “Whenever you’re ready, Rin. Makoto give us the start.” 

The door opened and they all spun round expecting a teacher but instead it was Nitori. “What are you doing out of bed?” Rin demanded. 

Nitori rubbed his eyes and stared at the unexpected guests. “I heard you get up so I came to find you. This is your old relay team, isn’t it?” 

Nagisa drew Rin’s roommate to one side and explained what was happening while Rin stripped down to his jammers and adjusted his goggles with the usual snap. Haru and he took their positions on adjoining blocks and Makoto started them off. 

Rin dived into the cool water and gave a powerful dolphin kick before surfacing ahead of Haru. There was nothing in it at the turn but he managed to beat Haru by a touch. At first he felt the euphoria of finally beating the best swimmer he’d ever known and punched the water. 

Haru gave one of those small smiles he seemed to reserve for special occasions. “You won, that’s great, Rin.” 

A sudden wave of futile anger overtook him. Beating Haru could not erase the past, after all. He grabbed Haru by the goggles, pulling him close. “Great?” he repeated. 

Haru didn’t pull against him, instead he came forward across the lane marker, and kissed him. The almost forgotten taste of Haru mixed with water and a hint of chlorine made Rin kiss him back until he remembered and pushed him away. Don’t taint the best thing that ever happened to you with your filth. 

Haru frowned. “Rin, what’s wrong?” 

Rin pulled himself out of the pool and gathered up his things. “Nothing, now get the fuck out of here before you’re caught.” 

Nitori and Nagisa were having a whispered conversation. “Nitori, we need to get back.” 

Nitori nodded and followed him back to their dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, Nagisa and Nitori. A bit like dark forces aligning. *shudders*


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iwatobi Swim Club worries about Rin.

Iwatobi Swim Club was officially opened when Gou joined them. Haruka managed to catch her on her own one day and asked her outright what was wrong with her brother. Her face fell and she shook her head. “I wish I knew. He’s never been the same since he went to Australia. He won't even come home unless he absolutely has to. Something happened, Haruka-senpai, and it happened during his first year away from home.”

Haru took a deep breath. “I bumped into him when he came back that New Year’s holiday. Was that the problem?” 

Gou shook her head emphatically. “No, he told me he’d met up with you, and how he’d lost your race. Whatever it was, that changed him, happened in Australia.” 

She glanced up at him with eyes so like her brother’s it sometimes hurt. “I wish he’d come here to school when he came back. I wish he’d swim with you guys again. I think it would help him.” 

Haru nodded but wondered if she was right. Rin didn’t seem to want to know any of them anymore. He sighed softly, knowing in his heart he was useless at social and emotional interaction. Rin was something else though, the one person who’d been able to pull him out of his cocoon of indifference. The one who’d fought for Haru’s attention and made him swim in his relay. And now he was as coldly indifferent as Haru had once been. What the hell had happened? 

A movement behind him brought him out of his reverie and back into the real world. Makoto was there, not too close as the years had taught the taller boy the wider than normal limits of Haru’s personal space bubble. “Did Gou know anything?” he asked. 

Haru shook his head. “Not really, only that whatever happened it wasn’t our middle school race.” He stopped as he thought back to that day. “Rin did seem strange when we met. It was like he was glad to see me yet embarrassed. That wasn’t like him at all. He was the one to always throw his arms round us.” 

Makoto smiled. “You especially, he was never embarrassed by outward shows of affection.” The smile died. “I hope he’s okay.” 

Nagisa climbed out of the pool and joined them. “Any luck with Gou-chan?” 

Haru shook his head. “No, but I don’t know what any of us can do.” 

Nagisa flashed one of his more evil grins. “Well, at least we have a spy in the camp.” 

Mako frowned at Nagisa. “What do you mean?” 

Nagisa giggled and Haru grew even more nervous. “I exchanged cell phone numbers with Rin’s roommate that night at their pool. Ai-chan has been keeping me informed about Rin-chan.” 

Haru exchanged a look with Makoto and found the same bemused expression as he felt must be on his own face. Makoto was the first to recover. “Ai-chan? Is Rin rooming with a girl?” 

Nagisa giggled again. “Don’t be silly, Mako-chan, it’s a boy’s school. No girls there. Nitori Aiichirou, Ai-chan! Anyway, he says Rin-chan is grunting at him occasionally, so all’s well at present.” 

Haru frowned and nearly asked Nagisa to keep his phone close at all times until he remembered the blond did just that. Makoto frowned also. “What made you swap numbers?” 

Nagisa’s grin died. “We both thought it was necessary for some reason. Rin-chan’s hurting and I wanted to be there for him.” The grin reappeared. “And Ai-chan is cute.” 

Makoto groaned. “You’re such a flirt, Nagisa.” 

Nagisa’s smirk got impossibly bigger. “You don’t know the half of it.” 

Haru had the distinct feeling he didn’t want to know either. There was something he did want to know, however. “Is Nitori worried about Rin?” 

Nagisa was immediately serious again. “I think so. He doesn’t say it in so many words but yes. He did say he was afraid to leave Rin-chan’s side sometimes, said Rin-chan was getting really pissed about it.” 

Haru gazed at the pool as he tried to decide what to do. Should he ask for Nitori-kun’s number or should he leave it to Nagisa to deal with? He resolved to keep his cell phone close at all times from now on. “Let me know if anything changes please, Nagisa.” 

Makoto nodded. “Me too, we all want to be there for Rin.” 

Nagisa nodded, serious for once. “I will. That’s a promise.” 

Haru dived into the pool, the only place that had a remote chance of soothing him right now. But even being in the water couldn’t stop him from worrying about Rin and why the boy who had always been much more than a friend to him had turned into a young man who didn’t want to be anywhere near him. 

As it always did, the water hid his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly gentler chapter but we still have a long way to go and Rin has more flashbacks of what was done to him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperation strikes but hope fights back. Sorry, can't give more away.

Rin staggered as the flashback hit him and would have fallen if Nitori hadn’t steadied him. Rough hands on his young body, ropes burning his wrists as he struggled futilely, and the unkindest addition of all, an indelible marker pen used by each rapist in turn to keep a tally on his thigh. He wouldn’t be able to swim for weeks until it wore off. When he could bring himself to look at it later he was horrified to count twenty-four marks. Why hadn’t they simply killed him?

“Matsuoka-senpai, are you all right?” Nitori’s worried voice brought him back to the present and a sense of his surroundings. He nodded briskly, not trusting himself to speak yet. He was so damned tired of the flashbacks, nightmares and memories. 

“Yeah, let’s get to practice.” 

If there was one thing his race with Haru had done it was to get him swimming again. He was practicing hard every day but he wasn’t improving, wasn’t focused. He swam laps till he ached and still the nightmares came in his sleep, the flashbacks when he was awake, even in the pool he wasn’t free of them. 

Two hours of hard practice later and he collapsed on his bed, tired enough to sleep but afraid of what dreams might come this time. He was tired of everything. Without stopping to think he went to the bathroom and took the blade out of his razor. He climbed into the tub and ran the water, and then he started to cut. 

Nitori found him ten minutes later and immediately called an ambulance. It wasn’t the only call the boy made as Rin found out when he woke in the hospital, his wrists bandaged and a very pissed off Haru glaring down at him. 

He sighed and mentally cursed Nitori as a well-meaning idiot. It was when he moved he noticed the bag of blood being steadily dripped into his veins. “I couldn’t even do that right.” 

Haru’s fists clenched at his sides, a sure sign he was holding in a lot of anger. “Actually you made a fucking good job of it. You nicked an artery and if Nitori-kun hadn’t found you when he did…” Rin was surprised. Haru never cursed, or very rarely. It didn’t change anything though. 

“He shouldn’t have bothered.” 

“He cares about you. We all do. Why do you want to leave us all behind?” 

Oh great, good old Haru, blunt as ever. But he couldn’t tell the truth, couldn’t admit his shame. “I got tired of lousy fucking times in training sessions. If I’m going to follow my dad’s dream and beat you I need to do a lot better.” 

Haru shook his head and sighed. “Bullshit!” 

Oh shit, he knows. “Go away, Haru, just go away.” 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting weird since you returned from Australia and I want to know why.” 

Rin flinched at the mention of Australia and saw Haru’s eyes widen. “I don’t want to talk about it but it wasn’t your fault, okay?” 

Haru frowned. “No, it’s not okay. Something or someone hurt you enough for you to try killing yourself. I don’t want to lose you so spill.” 

Rin took a deep, ragged breath. “You’re so selfish, Haru.” 

Haru indicated the bandages and the blood bag. “And this isn’t? We had to tell Kou and your mother and we’ve all taken turns to wait for you to come round.” 

Rin sighed again. “Just my luck for it to be you waiting here when I did come to.” 

Haru’s eyebrows shot up. “If you think I’m mad at you, wait till Kou or your mother is here to see you.” 

“Damnit, Haru, none of you know why!” 

“So tell me!” 

Rin banged his head against the pillow. If he told Haru it would be an effective way of getting him out of his life. Haru was strong and would never have allowed those things to happen. He would be so disgusted he would leave and never look back. “I keep having nightmares and flashbacks. I can’t live with what happened to me.” 

He turned his head away, not wanting to see the worry in Haru’s eyes turn to hate. “I was raped, not just once but repeatedly. One time there were twenty-four of them. I know because they kept a tally on my leg. I keep reliving it all and I’m so tired of going through it again and again and again!” 

His voice had risen towards the end but he didn’t care. Haru knew now, he would tell the others and they would all turn their backs on such a dirty thing as he was. The tears came then so he didn’t notice when Haru moved, didn’t hear the chair being pulled closer to the bed. What he felt was a warm hand as it clasped his. He turned his head, snarling in anger. “Don’t fucking pity me, Haru! Don’t you fucking dare!” 

He tried to pull his hand away but he was still weak and Haru wasn’t letting go. “Are you angry, Rin?” 

“What?” 

“Are you angry or are you wallowing in self-pity? This suicide attempt… that’s self-pity, you don’t need mine as well. So, are you angry? You should be.” 

Rin stared at the one person who, despite his difficulties with social skills, had always understood them all, had understood Rin and stolen his heart. “Angry? You think anger would help?” 

Haru shrugged. “It would have to be better than this.” 

Rin stared at their clasped hands and sighed. “The only person to be angry with is me for letting it happen.” 

“I know you didn’t do that, Rin.” 

Rin glanced up and met Haru’s blue gaze. “You know I liked you as more than a friend, maybe I gave off gay vibes or something.” 

Haru shook his head. “I doubt that. You were raped, Rin. You didn’t consent to a gay relationship.” 

Rin’s eyes widened as he realised the truth of Haru’s words. He had fought the first time and several other times. He hadn’t consented, hadn’t asked for it. “The first time there were three of them. I struggled but they kicked me and beat me, shoved a towel in my mouth to keep me quiet then they took it in turns to rape me. I’d been there two weeks and they destroyed everything.” The tears came again as he talked but the warm hand in his never let go and he felt…better. Not great but better. 

Haru let him cry without saying a word until he’d descended into wet sniffles then handed him a bunch of tissues. “Does Samezuka have a counsellor?” 

Rin glanced up. “You…you think I should talk about it?” 

Haru bit his bottom lip and turned his face away. “It helped me a bit when my grandmother died. Maybe if you talk about it the flashbacks will stop.” He turned back and shrugged. “If you don’t think it will work, we can try something else.” 

Rin stared at Haru in shock. He’d never known about Haru needing counselling and, if talking didn’t work, the counsellor might know other ways to help. Now he felt stupid for worrying everyone like this. “I’ll talk to the counsellor.” 

Haru squeezed his hand, the only thanks he needed. “I tried to push you all away and it was why I never called like I promised. I didn’t want to corrupt you.” 

He was surprised again when Haru chuckled softly. “You corrupted me in elementary school. Well, made it impossible to ignore you or even think about anyone else.” 

“Really? I was totally in love with you. I still am but I doubt you’ll want me now.” 

The hand holding his squeezed suddenly. “You really think I’d hate you for what wasn’t your fault? Do you think so little of me, Rin?” 

Rin stared. “No! Of myself, I thought so little of myself not you. I’m filthy, Haru. I can’t offer you a clean body like I’d hoped.” 

Haru shook his head and squeezed his hand again. “That doesn’t matter to me. What matters is you’re here and we can swim together and…” 

Rin retrieved his hand and put a finger to Haru’s lips. “I’ll beat your ass at swimming.” 

Haru produced a slight smile. “You can try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if Haru was a bit ooc here but I felt he was the only one who could get through to Rin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin gets help and Nitori is as manipulative as Nagisa.

Rin took Haru’s advice and made an appointment with the school counsellor. Watanabe-san was empathic rather than sympathetic and, after a few false starts, Rin gradually opened up to him. It was painful and halting at first and Rin would often get either angry or despondent in their sessions, but, as time went on, he gradually opened up more and spilled out how the whole business made him feel. Watanabe-san smiled and nodded at this point. “Yes, it is important that you face your own feelings about what happened head on.”

Rin scoffed. “What I feel is used and dirty. I should never have let it happen.” 

Watanabe-san shook his head. “I thought we’d got past this point Rin-kun. You didn’t give permission. Your choice in the matter was taken away from you. Yes, you were used, but you’re not the dirty one.” 

“How do you figure that?” 

Watanabe-san frowned. “Really it’s you that should be doing the talking, but I’ll tell you some things that might help you as something to think about. First, no man likes to think of himself as a victim. We think we should be strong and able to take care of ourselves. But sometimes life kicks us in the butt and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. You were a victim, Rin-kun, the victim of some very unpleasant young men. Second, male rape is not as rare as most people think. However, because of my first point, it very rarely gets reported. It’s bad enough for females to go through the investigation process, for males it’s worse because of their ‘it shouldn’t have happened’ feelings.” 

Rin gazed down at the floor and sighed. “So how do I stop feeling dirty?” 

Watanabe-san was quiet for a few moments before he answered. “You remember you were a child and had no way of defending yourself against three big bullies. You learn to think of yourself as being in the wrong place at the wrong time rather than being a slut who was asking for it.” 

Rin glanced up at that. “How did you know I felt like that?” 

Watanabe-san smiled at him. “It’s been obvious in everything you’ve said so far. I don’t know why you feel that way but I’m sure you’ll tell me when you’re ready.” 

Rin took a deep breath. He’d never admitted, except perhaps to Haru in a roundabout way, what he was about to admit now. He had to wonder if it would change Watanabe-san’s opinion of him but he needed to tell someone. “I think it’s because… there’s someone I’ve loved since I was twelve and he’s another guy. So I guess that makes me gay.” Then it all came pouring out. “I keep thinking I was putting out vibes without knowing I was.” 

Watanabe-san shook his head, the motion emphatic. “Whatever your sexuality, Rin-kun, you were twelve. You were not, repeat not, putting out gay vibes and, even if you had been, your abusers weren’t gay; they were bullies.” 

Rin had many sessions like that but they were helping at least. He was more focused when swimming and more aware of what was happening around him. The flashbacks and dreams were retreating to manageable levels and he was beginning to feel human again. 

Nitori was on his cell-phone when Rin entered their room. The younger boy smiled. “Do you want to talk to Nagisa-kun?” 

Rin grimaced. “Not unless I absolutely have to. He’s a bigger pain than you are even!” 

Nitori stuck his tongue out at the teasing and finished his call. “He says he loves you too.” 

Rin collapsed onto his bunk. “You’ve just made my day.” 

Nitori giggled then became serious. “We’re going out for the day on Sunday.” 

Rin’s brows rose in surprise. “What like a date or something?” 

Nitori went bright red. “No! I’m going with Nagisa-kun and the other Iwatobi guys. It’ll be fun, you should come too.” 

Rin shook his head. “Nope, but you go and have fun.” 

Nitori frowned. “Why won’t you come, Matsuoka-senpai? I know they want you to.” 

Rin sighed in a mixture of annoyance and trepidation. “You do know we’ll be swimming against these guys soon, right?” 

Nitori shrugged. “There’s no reason why we can’t be friends though.” 

There was every reason in Rin’s mind. He couldn’t just go back to how things had been and he couldn’t face Haru. “I’m going to tell you the reason I tried to kill myself, but if you say one word to anyone else…” 

Nitori frowned again. “I wouldn’t. Why do you think I’d do that, senpai?” 

Rin nodded. “Okay, sorry. Nanase-san knows but none of the others do. I know for a fact he would never tell anyone but I still don’t want you discussing it not even with him. Do you understand?” 

Nitori hung his head. “Not really but I won’t say a word.” 

Rin took a deep breath. “I was raped in Australia. Repeatedly raped and there was always more than one of them involved.” 

Across the room, Nitori gasped. He jumped to his feet and threw himself at Rin’s bunk, his arms outstretched as he gathered Rin in a hug. “Oh, senpai, I’m so sorry.” 

Rin disentangled himself, overwhelmed by another body so close. Then he saw Nitori was crying. “What are you sorry about and why are you crying?” 

Nitori sniffled a bit but kept hold of Rin’s hand. “I’m sorry you were hurt like that and I wish there was something I could do to help.” 

Rin wasn’t sure, but the hug had been nice. He reached out, tentative and wary like a small animal coming out of the safety of its burrow. He pulled Nitori onto his lap and held the smaller boy close. After a moment, Nitori’s arms wound round Rin’s neck and they stayed like that for a few moments until Rin felt the desire to be free of constraint again. “The hug helped.” 

Nitori smiled. “I’m kinda touchy feely so I’m happy to hug you whenever you want.” 

Rin couldn’t help himself. “Nagisa must love you!” 

Nitori went bright red again and Rin chuckled. “So now we’ve swapped our secrets, right?” 

Nitori looked miserable. “He’s outgoing and wouldn’t look twice at me.” 

Rin tilted his head to one side. “Oh? Is that why he’s always either calling or texting you? There’s more to Nagisa than he shows the world so don’t give up on him.” 

Nitori’s head came up and he gave Rin a light punch on the shoulder. “Then you shouldn’t give up on Nanase-san.” 

Rin sighed. “More likely he’s given up on me.” 

Nitori got that look in his eye that always spelled trouble for Rin. “How would you know if you won’t see him? I think you should come on Sunday.” 

Rin ran a hand through his hair, as he stared defeat in the face. “I’m making no promises but I’ll think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if any counsellor would do what this one did but grant me poetic license please.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day out with all the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of light fluff before we get down and dirty again.

Haru watched Nagisa as he almost hopped from foot to foot as they waited for Nitori’s train to arrive. Makoto chuckled. “Someone’s impatient.”

Nagisa turned to stare at Makoto, a disgusted look on his face. “Well of course I’m impatient. I don’t see Ai-chan as often as I’d like but I wouldn’t expect a great big stupid like you to understand!” 

Haru caught Makoto’s eye. “Ouch,” he murmured. 

Makoto nodded, a sorrowful expression on his face. “How will I ever get on in life?” he asked dramatically. “Who will ever want a great big stupid?” 

Haru took one look at Nagisa’s face and decided it was as well the train was now in sight. The little blond was obviously taking his, whatever it was, with Nitori-kun very seriously. “Train’s here,” he said to stop the bourgeoning fight before it began. 

Nagisa immediately stopped glaring at Makoto and charged onto the platform. The rest of them followed at a more sedate pace. 

The train came to a halt and disgorged half a dozen people including Nitori and Rin. Haru’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw the redhead, but surprise soon turned to something warmer and happier. Rin looked the best he’d been since returning from Australia. 

Nagisa hugged Nitori and went to hug Rin but the redhead stepped back quickly and Nitori got between the two. “Er…Rin-senpai doesn’t like to be hugged.” 

Nagisa looked confused as well he might. When they were children, Rin had been the touchy feely one, more so even than Nagisa. Luckily Rei stepped in to diffuse the awkward situation. “Not everyone wants to be half strangled by one of your so-called hugs, Nagisa-kun.” 

Nagisa placed his hands on his hips and glared around at them all. “What is this? Get at Nagisa day?” he demanded. 

Haru shrugged. “Calling Makoto a great big stupid wasn’t going to make you a lot of friends.” 

Rin smiled at that. “Bad idea,” he agreed. 

Nagisa sighed. “Yeah, yeah, everyone loves Mako-chan but, well I wanted to see Ai-chan and…oh never mind. We’re all here now even Rin-chan, so what shall we do?” 

Rei stared. “You mean you invited everyone here without having a single idea in your head about what we would do? 

Nagisa huffed. “Actually I had a couple of ideas and thought I’d be good and ask everyone which they preferred.” 

Rei sniffed. “So what were these ideas?” 

Nagisa grinned. “Well, one was the beach if everyone’s brought their jammers. If not, there’s the amusement park.” 

Haru’s vote would have gone to the beach but he guessed most of them were without their jammers and it turned out he was right. 

Makoto smiled. “Well the great big stupid hasn’t been to the amusement park in years and it sounds like fun.” 

Haru frowned. “Stop calling yourself that.” 

Makoto shrugged. “Sorry, but it stung.” 

Nagisa had taken hold of one of Nitori’s hands and stepped back on the platform to wait for the train to the amusement park but he turned when he heard that. “I’m sorry, Mako-chan, I didn’t really mean it.” 

Rin shook his head and grinned. “He always did have a big mouth, Makoto.” 

Makoto nodded. “True, especially when impatient or unable to get his own way.” 

Nagisa stage whispered to Nitori. “You see how they all pick on me.” 

Nitori giggled and leaned into Nagisa. 

Haru stood slightly away from the others with Rin, while they waited for the train. “Are you okay?” he asked under the cover of yet another loud argument between Rei and Nagisa. 

Rin nodded. “The counselling helps. Which reminds me, Nitori knows what happened.” 

Haru wasn’t surprised. Nitori had been the one to find Rin when he’d cut his arms like that. “Do you want to tell the others?” 

Rin shook his head emphatically. “No. There’s no reason for them to know. It should stay in Australia where it belongs.” 

Haru nodded as the train appeared in the distance. “I agree. I’m just glad you’re looking and feeling better.” 

Rin smiled at him then. “Yeah, strangely enough I really am.” 

The day at the amusement park turned out to be more fun than Haru expected. Nagisa and Nitori flirted and touched throughout it, Rei unwound enough to enjoy some of the rides, Makoto won a couple of plushies for the twins and Rin leaned against him and held his hand on a couple of the rides, going so far as to kiss him on the Ferris wheel. 

They ate junk food for lunch and then agreed to split up into pairs for the remainder of the day. Haru found himself with Rin watching Nagisa and Nitori making for the tunnel of love. He chuckled softly and Rin snorted. “And Ai was afraid Nagisa didn’t like him that much.” 

Haru glanced at him, wondering if he should say what was on his mind. He could only wish Nitori Aiichirou all the happiness in the world for saving Rin’s life. He decided against it, restricting himself to, “I think they’re good for each other.” 

Rin appeared to give it some thought. “Yeah, you could be right. Anyway, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?” 

Haru shrugged. “Left to myself, I’d swim. What about you?” 

Rin looked around. “Find somewhere quiet where we can talk.” 

Haru thought about it. “We don’t have to stay in the park, as long as we meet the guys for the train home.” 

Rin nodded. “Okay, let’s go outside the park and find a quiet café somewhere.” 

Haru had no fault to find with that plan and they left the park. There was a café close to the station which was perfect. Once they had a tea each and were sitting in a quiet corner, Rin took hold of one of Haru’s hands. “I know I’ve been a jerk since I’ve been back but I hope you can understand why that is.” 

Haru nodded. “Since you told me what happened, yes, I can understand. It can’t have been easy.” 

Rin took a sip of his tea. “Not just that,” he said. “I was trying to push you away, trying not to make you as dirty as I felt.” 

Haru gave Rin’s hand a squeeze. “Do you still want to push me away?” 

Rin shook his head. “No, the counselling helped a lot with all that shit. I wanted to talk about the future not the past.” 

Haru drank some of his own tea. “Oh?” It was all he thought he could manage with the way his heart was thumping. 

“Yeah,” Rin said. “Despite setbacks, I still want to follow my dream.” 

Haru smiled at that. “So it’s your dream now, not your dad’s?” 

Rin nodded. “That’s right. I want to go to Rio, Haru, but more than that, I want you to come with me. I know you’ve always thought it was just a dream and I was fooling myself but I have to try. Will you try with me?” 

Haru gazed out of the window and watched the passers-by as he thought about what he should say. Then it struck him and he knew the words to use for once. “I don’t think I’m ready to be ordinary yet, after all. How do we go about getting picked for Rio?” An almost painful squeeze on his hand convinced him he’d said the right thing for once. 

Rin grinned at him. “There are two routes. One is through university and the swimming clubs there; another is through joining a well-known swimming club whilst working.” 

Haru nodded. “Seems reasonable enough so which route are you taking?” 

Rin gazed at him. “I don’t know what you want to do with your life, Haru, but I would rather like to work in teaching. There is always a shortage of good English teachers so I want to go to university.” 

Haru let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. “I want to go to university too. I had thought of becoming a chef but lately I’ve been thinking more about art. Maybe I could study graphic art and design or possibly computer graphics.” 

Rin grinned. “Woo! Result! So we need to find a university that offers both of our courses and has a well-respected swimming club.” 

Haru nodded. “Just, please, don’t make it Tokyo or Osaka. I don’t think I’d cope well with a huge city.” 

Rin squeezed his hand again. “I agree.” He blushed. “There’s something else. Will you move in with me when we go to university?” 

Haru didn’t even hesitate. “Of course I will.” 

They left the café and went to the station to wait for the others. The platform was empty so Haru leaned forward and kissed Rin. He was surprised when Rin’s arms went round him, unsure of how Rin would react to intimacy. He returned the hug, careful to keep his arms loose in case Rin wanted to move away. There was an impatient snort. “Oh, for fucks sake, Haru, if you’re going to hold me, hold me! Don’t piss about.” 

Haru held Rin tighter and resumed the pleasurable occupation of kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be moving them to university next chapter. It will be a mixed bag of good and not so good things.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has some problems still to get over, however there are other issues to worry about too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not updating sooner than this. NaNoWriMo eats November whole. I'm back now so updates should be more frequent.

Rin and Haru went to Kyoto for University. It offered the courses they wanted, was in a city that was not massive and had as good a ranking as Tokyo. As a plus it had a great swimming programme with the opportunity to try out for the Olympics.

Haru was surprised by Makoto who was the one who stayed in Iwatobi rather than attend a distant University but Rin knew the reason he had stayed and was happy about it. His little sister was too important to trust to just anybody but he knew he could trust Makoto with her. 

They were in the student accommodations for their first year, quite happy to share a room. Their relationship developed to the point where they were often sharing a bed but there were still things Rin couldn’t do with Haru. Haru was very patient but Rin was annoyed with himself. Why was he letting those bastards beat him? Why couldn’t he forget them, remember this was Haru and relax? 

Another night and he knew he was heading for another failure. “I’m sorry, Haru. I can’t.” 

Haru pulled away and gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay.” 

Rin almost snarled. “No, Haru, it’s not okay. I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel, but the thought of anyone being inside me just… it brings it all back.” 

“You do make me feel good, Rin. I’m content to bottom and that’s the only thing you’ve not been able to do.” 

Rin sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “But I should be able to do it. I trust you but… dammit all to hell! I should never have gone to Australia.” 

Haru sighed. Rin couldn’t blame him. This was the fourth or fifth time he’d tried to let Haru take control and ended up hyperventilating. “Rin, did going to Australia improve your swimming?” 

Rin frowned as he wondered where Haru’s question had come from. “Well, yes, of course. They taught me better techniques in all the strokes, which is why I’m as fast as you in front crawl now. I learned stamina and cross-training methods and…” he broke off, seeing why Haru was asking. “Yes, it did. I was never the natural talent you are but now I can keep up with you and if I can do that I must have improved.” 

Haru nodded. “Then remember that rather than the bullies. Going to Australia was the right thing for you to do. It was just unfortunate that those… monsters were there too.” 

Rin stared at the young man who meant so much to him. Haru was right. He wouldn’t be anticipating the arrival of the Olympic scouts next week if he hadn’t trained so hard in the Australian fashion. “You don’t say a lot, Haru, but when you do speak it makes sense.” He moved down the bed and curled around his boyfriend. 

Haru’s hand found his, and soon they both fell asleep. 

The next week, Rin was a bundle of nerves the night before the trials while Haru was his usual nonchalant self. It annoyed Rin enough for him to say, “Don’t you care about getting to Rio?” 

Haru glanced up from the immaculate computer art he’d been working on. “The Olympics is your dream, Rin.” Then he smiled. “But if I can help you realise it by swimming for you, I will.” 

Rin ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I’m being an ass.” 

Haru got up from his desk, crossed the room and took Rin in his arms. “There isn’t a swimmer in the University club that you cannot beat so stop worrying.” 

Rin grinned at his boyfriend. “You’re right. And I’ve more sense than to ask if you’ll do any other stroke than front crawl.” 

Haru shrugged but there was a small smile playing round his mouth as he said, “I only swim free. I’ve told you often enough.” 

Rin laughed aloud at that. “Yeah, you’ve told me ever since we were twelve.” He pulled Haru close and kissed him. When they came up for air he asked, “Hundred and two hundred free?” 

Haru frowned at him. “I was thinking of sticking to the hundred and letting you take the two hundred.” 

Rin thought about it, and then he made a decision. “I’d rather stick to fly to be honest. It’s my best stroke and I think I should play to my strengths.” 

Haru nodded. “Okay, then I’ll try for the two hundred as well.” 

The next day they beat all competition in fly and front crawl so emphatically it looked like the other swimmers were moving backwards. They urged each other on between races and waited together as officials checked stopwatches and clipboards. 

They had done all they could, now they had to wait for written confirmation of a place on the Japanese Olympic team. It was explained to them that it would take some time as the scouts were only half way through their tour. They could expect to hear in about three weeks. 

It was a very nerve-wracking time and Rin had to be careful not to start fights with Haru who still looked as if he couldn’t care less about the results, the Olympics or anything that didn’t involve his course work. 

Rin was about to shout at him yet again when he made a quantum leap in understanding. Haru was concentrating on his art to take his mind off the trials and any possible outcome. Haru was just as nervous as Rin. 

Rin sat down at his desk and pulled his English essay up on his laptop. He began to type. 

Three weeks came and went with no word and Rin’s essay was done and handed in so he started on the next one. Two days later two letters arrived in their mail box, one for Haru and one for Rin. 

Rin found them on his way back from a lecture and his heart began to beat furiously. He raced up the stairs and hammered on their door. Haru opened it and stared at him as if he’d gone mad. “Where’s your key?” 

Rin brandished the letters under Haru’s nose. “Never mind the fucking key. Look!” 

Haru’s eyes widened and he reached out a hand for the letter addressed to him. “Would they bother to write, just to say forget it?” 

Rin bit his bottom lip. “I don’t know.” 

Haru pulled him and his dropped bag into their room and closed the door. Then he opened his letter. He read it quickly and gazed at Rin. “I think you’d better open yours.” 

Rin opened the letter with shaking fingers and opened it out. 

_Dear Matsuoka-san,_

_It is with great pleasure we can invite you to represent Japan in the XXXI Olympiad to be held in Rio de Janiero ._

_We are offering you a place in the one hundred and two hundred meters butterfly and in the medley relay on the butterfly leg. Please let us know on the attached form if you will be taking up the offer._

_Yours_

Rin glanced up from the letter to Haru. “So, are you bringing us home in the relay?” 

Haru grinned. “Who else was going to do it?” 

Rin yelled in triumph and gave Haru a bear hug. “We did it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how Olympic selection is done, so I hope you will forgive me if I'm wrong.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Haru travel to Rio and bump into some old friends.

Rin still couldn’t quite believe they had made it through selection and were going to Rio to represent Japan in the Olympics. The past two years had been hard on both of them with extra training and the need to keep up with their university work. Haru had coped a lot better than he had being a lot less excitable. Frequent visits from Makoto, Nagisa, Rei and Aiichirou had also helped to calm him and take his mind off it for a while. But now he was at Narita International Airport checking in his bags for a flight to Rio. Now it was real and he was shaking with pent up excitement.

“Calm down, Rin.” Makoto sounded just as excited as he, though. They had all come to see them off, even his sister was there looking incredibly happy to be with Makoto. Rin hugged her and she hugged him back. 

Nagisa and Aiichirou were almost bouncing with excitement. Rei was pretending to be his normal, untroubled self. 

Haru shook his head. “I don’t know why you guys came all this way. We’ll have to go through to departures very soon.” 

Nagisa frowned at him. “This is a momentous occasion, Haru-chan; of course we’d be here for it.” 

Rin glanced around. “I thought Mikoshiba would be here.” 

Aiichirou giggled. “He will be. He’s catching the same flight after all.” 

Rin stared at his former roommate. “Mikoshiba made it?” 

Aiichirou nodded. “Eight hundred meters and he’s still breaking records.” 

Rin smirked. “Great, that should be another medal for Japan.” 

Haru nudged him in the side. “We need to go.” 

They said their goodbyes. Rin hugged people and got teary eyed, Haru did not, but he did smile for once in his life. 

They found Mikoshiba in the departure lounge and he greeted them enthusiastically. “It’s been what, two years, since we last met?” 

Haru nodded while Rin added, “Something approaching that. I should have known you’d make the team.” 

Mikoshiba looked confused. “Didn’t you get the list of everyone on the Japanese swim team?” 

Both Rin and Haru shook their heads. Rin frowned. “I would have liked to see who was on our back and breast legs in the relay.” 

Mikoshiba grinned. “It’s in my carry-on luggage. I’ll show you when we’re on the plane. You’ll recognise the names, Matsuoka. They both went to Samezuka.” 

“I wonder why we didn’t get one.” 

Haru shrugged. “It may have gone to the university halls rather than the apartment.” 

Rin shrugged and ceased worrying about it. All the travel and sponsorship documents had arrived safely enough and besides their flight was being boarded so there was no time to worry about a simple list. 

Many boring hours later they arrived at Rio and were driven to the Olympic Village. They checked their timetable and found they had heats on the first day so would be rather foolish to attend the opening ceremony. Sleep and a morning warm-up swim were more important. 

They had the day to spare so they spent it wandering around the village with the two swimmers from their relay team. After a meal in the fantastic cafeteria, Haru and the others decided to take a look at the pool they would be using. Rin decided that one pool was very like another when you were actually swimming so elected to do a bit of window shopping for presents for their friends. 

He was in the process of looking at mementos in one of the gift shops when an all too familiar voice caught his attention. “Well, well, if it isn’t Madam Butterfly. Never thought you’d make the grade, mate.” 

Rin stiffened. Eric Parker stood just behind him. The last person he’d ever wanted to see again was stood in a gift shop in the Olympic Village in Rio. Just when he thought he’d got over his past in Australia. 

He didn’t know what to do. He was twenty now, no longer a child, but the man behind him still had the power to reduce him to the state of a rabbit caught in headlights. 

He turned to face his tormentor, glad that he’d grown tall enough to look the bastard in the eye. He couldn’t help it; he glanced past Parker to see if his little gang of thugs was also in attendance. He couldn’t see them and breathed a sigh of relief. He should be able to face Parker if the man was on his own. “Is Australia that desperate for swimmers?” 

Parker clenched his fists by his side. “Don’t get cocky with me, mate, just because Japan is hard up. I might have to remind you of your place. Colin and Pete would love to see you again, if you know what I mean.” 

So they were all here after all. Damn! He should have gone to look at the pool with Haru and the others. He could feel the sweat break out on his forehead as the memories overwhelmed him yet again. 

Parker must have seen his reaction as he gave him a nasty smirk. “We’ll have to arrange a reunion some time, just the four of us.” 

Rin swallowed hard, trying to keep his lunch down. He looked away from Parker but couldn’t muster the courage to step past him and out of the shop. There was somebody who wasn’t afraid, however. “Are you going to stand in the doorway all day?” 

Mikoshiba was attempting to enter and Parker was in the tall, broad swimmer’s way. Parker gave a snarl and moved aside. Rin had never been more overjoyed at seeing his former captain in his life. 

Parker stepped outside and Rin relaxed. “Was he bothering you, Matsuoka?” 

Rin shook his head and stepped outside. All he wanted at this moment was to be safely locked in the room he was sharing with the rest of the relay team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter spoke for itself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru learns of Eric Parker's presence in the Olympic Village and attends the opening ceremony with Rin.

Haru was pleased with the Olympic pool and with the warm-up pool. He was surprised to find he liked his relay teammates. They weren’t Makoto or Nagisa but Suzuki-san and Yonaga-san were good company and respectful of his lack of conversation. They were used to his long silences of course, from all the joint training they had done in high school. He knew both men were faster than their original teammates, a lot faster, and it gave him some optimism for the relay. They should get past the heats at least.

They had just returned from their visit to the pools when Rin burst into the room. He was pale, agitated and obviously shaken. “Haru, I need to talk to you, alone.” 

“I’ll make us some tea,” Suzuki said while Yonaga remembered he still needed to unpack. As soon as they were gone Rin collapsed into Haru’s arms. 

Haru held him close, feeling his trembles. “Tell me what’s wrong before they come back.” 

Rin took a deep, shuddering breath. “They’re here. Eric Parker and his homeboys are here.” 

Haru’s eyes widened at the news before they narrowed into slits. He held Rin until he calmed but his own body had tensed up in his fury. “Are they swimming for Australia?” 

Rin shrugged and pulled away from his hold before the others came back. “I guess they must be.” 

Haru led Rin to one of the couches and sat down next to him. “Do you know their events?” 

Rin leaned his head against the back of the couch, calmer now. “I don’t remember who swam what stroke but they were all sprinters. Always in the pool the same time I was.” 

Haru nodded. “Then you show them who is boss in the pool, Rin. And if any of them are up against me, I will leave them behind, I promise.” 

Rin turned his head to gaze at Haru. “The idea of being in the ready room with any one of them terrifies me.” 

Haru nodded his understanding. “Just remember there will be six other people in the room with you so they can’t do a thing there.” 

Rin took another deep breath. “Promise me you won’t leave my side outside this apartment.” 

Haru smiled. “After what you’ve just told me, you’ll need a crowbar to dislodge me.” 

Suzuki reappeared with a tray of teas and handed them out after calling Yonaga. The small brunet appeared from the bedroom he was sharing with Suzuki and sat down to drink his tea. “Everything all right?” he asked. 

Rin shook his head and reached for a cup. “Not really but it’s just something I’ll have to deal with.” 

Suzuki sipped at his tea. “If there is anything we can do to help, just let us know.” 

Haru glanced up. “Do either of you know if they’ve made the draws for tomorrows heats today?” 

Yonaga nodded. “They will have. There won’t be time after the opening ceremony tonight. We’ll also need to know so we can tell which athletes can attend the ceremony.” 

Suzuki tilted his head to one side. “Don’t they have like a village newspaper with all that stuff in?” 

Rin chuckled suddenly. “I remember now. It’s delivered free of charge to each apartment at four each afternoon.” 

Haru pulled out his phone and checked the time. “Any minute now, then.” 

The words were only just out of his mouth when there was a sound from the door. “Right on time,” Suzuki said with a grin. 

Yonaga put his mug down and vaulted over the back of the couch he was sitting on. He raced to the door and picked up the newspaper, returning just as quickly. “Okay, heats. Yes, here they are. Damn! Tomorrow is breaststroke, and backstroke. Looks like you guys get to go to the Opening if you want.” 

Haru glanced at Rin, waiting for his lover to make the call. He couldn’t care less either way. Going to the ceremony would mean a lot of standing around, but it might be the only chance they ever got. 

Rin gazed into the depths of his tea before draining the mug in one long swallow. “We should go, Haru. We might never get another chance.” 

It was exactly what Haru had been thinking but he still sighed. “I guess so.” 

Everyone else laughed, knowing he really didn’t care. 

* 

The ceremony was inevitably based around samba and was very colourful indeed. Haru didn’t see much more of it than he would have if he’d watched the TV back at the apartment. But his feelings changed when Japan’s athletes entered the arena. He felt proud to be there and when Rin clasped his hand he felt really happy. The vows taken by the athletes meant something to him also and he ended the evening feeling glad he’d attended. 

The problem occurred when they were waiting with a crowd of other athletes from all nations for the buses to return them to the village. A tall blond sidled up to Rin and caught him in the stomach. Two other tall athletes came to join in and Haru saw red. The attackers got the shock of their lives when, instead of three beating up one, they found themselves facing a second very angry and very determined defender. “Back off, scum.” 

The blond held up his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, chill mate. We’re just greeting an old mate, aren’t we Rini-chan.” Rin just looked sick and stared at the ground. 

Haru wasn’t impressed. “Is that right? In Japan we greet our friends with respect, not punches.” 

The blond gave a nasty smirk. “Well, Rini-chan is more of a… possession, if you take my meaning.” 

Haru was getting more and more angry. If Rin belonged to anyone it was to Haru, not these assholes. Luckily, Mikoshiba had spotted them and waded through the crowd to stand with them. He glanced at the blond and frowned. “Weren’t you in the gift shop earlier?” 

The blond almost snarled. “Yeah, why?” 

Mikoshiba shrugged. “No real reason, except you seem to be taking a keen interest in our team.” 

The blond grinned. “Matsuoka is an old friend from Australia.” 

Mikoshiba shot a quick glance at Rin, who was as white as a sheet, and exchanged a glance with Haru. “Is that right, Matsuoka?” 

Rin shook his head. “No. He’s not a friend. He’s a bastard and a bully.” 

Haru was proud of Rin but knew he’d only been able to say those things by squeezing Haru’s hand till it hurt and having the large, powerful Mikoshiba present. “Well,” Mikoshiba was saying, “if he tries anything here, report him. It would mean an instant disqualification.” He turned to face the blond. “If I see you or your friends anywhere near any member of the Japanese team again, I will report you. I’m sure Matsuoka knows your names.” 

Haru could only be glad another fleet of buses arrived just then and he got Rin onto one and away from the blond who he was guessing was Eric Parker. They found seats and Rin leaned against Haru. “Thank you,” he whispered in Japanese. Then he added, “I love you,” before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points and cookies to anyone who recognizes the names I chose for Rin and Haru's teammates.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quarter finals and can Rin and Haru get some revenge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long delay. It's been a bitch of a year so far but, as I hate making excuses, I will simply say sorry and hope this chapter makes up for it a little.

Rin was reluctant to leave Haru’s side after the second encounter with Eric Parker. Knowing the other two were also here in Rio just made things even worse. He checked the heat lists and was relieved to find Colin Patterson was in the one hundred meters but not the two hundred. Eric and Pete Thompson were in the freestyle sprint events so he only needed to deal with Colin if they both got through their heats. Luckily they’d been drawn in different groups so wouldn’t meet until the quarter finals. He breathed a sigh of relief and handed the village newspaper over to Haru. A sound of amused satisfaction from his boyfriend made him look up. “What?”

Haru smiled. “I’ve got one of them in my heat. He’ll be going home tomorrow unless he’s in one of the distance events or a relay.” 

Rin couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed that fact when he was looking for the three in the heats. He grimaced wryly. “Sorry, Haru, I was so busy thinking about those bastards I didn’t look at your heats. Which one have you got?” 

“Thompson P.L is one of them, isn’t he?” 

Rin nodded. “Yeah, Pete Thompson, he’s a bastard but he’s not quite as bad as the other two. Where are you in relation to Eric Parker? I’ve got Patterson in the quarters if we both get through.” 

Haru nodded and checked down the lists. “Yeah, same for Parker, I get the bastard in the quarters.” He looked up and smiled at Rin. “He’s going down.” 

Rin smirked as he realised leaving Patterson behind in front of millions of people worldwide was the best revenge he could get. “Patterson is going to be swallowing my spray. Any ideas as to who’s in the Australian medley relay?” 

Haru sighed as he found the page in the paper. “Patterson has their fly leg and Parker brings them home. If we can avoid a fight in the locker room we’ll be fine and beat them again.” 

Rin frowned. “Who’s on the back and breast legs of their team?” 

Haru read out two names and Rin shook his head. “I don’t know them.” 

“You two talking about the Australian swimmers?” Suzuki asked as he returned to the apartment with two bags of shopping. “I’m more inclined to worry about the Americans personally.” 

Rin thought about that. They were a good fast team but their country wasn’t known for its swimmers. They might just take the powerhouse countries by surprise. “I know two of the Australians and wondered if I might know the other two.” 

Suzuki crossed the room to gaze over Haru’s shoulder at the lists. He grinned suddenly. “I recognise those two names. They were in our heats this morning. Both of them are out of the individual hundred meters, and we beat them and went through to stage two.” 

Haru looked up at him. “In the same heat?” 

Suzuki grinned. “I was, but we timed all the swimmers and Yonaga is faster than their breast stroke man is. Not sure about the fly and crawl guys but our half of the relay is sewn up tight as far as the Australians are concerned.” 

Rin chuckled, feeling a lot better about both himself and the Australians than he had in years. “Don’t worry, the second half is ours. That’s a promise.” 

Haru nodded but did dig him in the ribs with a pointy elbow. “Let’s get through the individual heats first before we worry about the relay.” 

Rin chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He turned away, ready to watch the breast stroke second stage and cheer on Yonaga. “So are we going to the pool?” 

Haru stood up. “Yeah, let’s cheer our team on.” 

“Let me drop this shopping off and I’ll join you,” Suzuki said. 

* 

It was the day of the hundred meter fly quarter finals and Rin had to take deep breaths to calm himself down as Patterson smirked across at him in the locker room. “Ready to go home, Rini-chan?” the Australian asked. 

Something that had been wound tight for years inside of Rin finally snapped and he smirked back showing all his sharp teeth. “Strange,” he said, “I was just about to ask you the same question but then I remembered you were up against us in the relay too so I get two opportunities to beat your ass.” 

Patterson tried to brazen it out. “The word is arse, mate, I thought you, of all people would know that.” 

Rin sneered. “Yeah and there are words for you in most languages but most of them boil down to dumbass. I’ll deal with a dumbass in the pool.” 

Patterson frowned. “You’ve got very high and mighty, Rini-chan, for someone who couldn’t make a decent time to save his life.” 

Rin shook his head. “Do you honestly think I’d be here, in the quarters, if I swam like I did then? Grow a brain, dumbass.” 

Patterson looked about ready to throw a punch but a Canadian swimmer grabbed his arm. “If you want to swim you won’t throw punches in the locker room.” He nodded to Rin. “What lane are you in?” 

“I’m in lane four, why?” 

The Canadian grinned. “I’m in three and the American’s in five. This jackass is in seven. Seems like he’s not as good as he thinks he is.” 

Patterson snarled and stalked out towards the ready room. Rin nodded at the Canadian swimmer. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome. A few of us have noticed him and his homey’s giving you some grief and we don’t like it. It’s not in the spirit of the games.” 

Rin took a deep breath. “My problem with them goes back eight years. They just seem to have forgotten I’m not twelve anymore.” 

And that was all he wanted to say on the subject to a complete stranger, regardless of the fact he had helped Rin. He put on his sweats, put on his mp3 player’s headphones, picked up his cap and goggles and left for the ready room. He would teach Patterson how strong he now was in the pool. 

Fifteen minutes later he and the American were in the semi-finals and Patterson was out of the hundred meters butterfly. 

Rin showered and changed quickly and made his way to the spectator area put aside for competitors. He wanted to watch Haru’s quarter against the bane of his young life. He had every faith in Haru but he also knew Parker was a strong swimmer. 

Haru’s line-up walked out to their respective blocks and Rin could see Parker frowning from the spectator seats. Haru was wearing his usual indifferent mask and didn’t as much as glance at the Australian. They were in lanes four and five so Parker had obviously put in a better performance in the heats than Patterson, but then so had Haru. 

Rin knew his lover had nerves of steel but he was nervous for Haru. “Come on, Haru, you can do this,” he muttered. 

“If anyone can, Nanase can,” Mikoshiba said from beside him. 

Rin gave a start. “Sorry, didn’t see you there. I was a bit distracted.” 

Mikoshiba chuckled. “No kidding.” 

The swimmers were on their blocks and Rin leaned forward, his hands clenched into fists. Then they were diving and Haru cut into the water like a knife. Two strong dolphin kicks sent him almost to the twenty-five meter mark ahead of the rest. Then he was swimming and Rin’s eyes widened. Haru was moving through the water like one born to it and the rest of the field was left behind. He was three lengths ahead of Parker at the turn and he stretched that lead to four lengths on the last fifty meters. 

There was no doubt who was going to win but Parker still came in second. “Is it first two to the semis or winners and fastest runners up?” Mikoshiba asked. 

Rin grinned. “Of course you distance guys don’t have all these heats and finals. First two go through on these finals. Haru might have pushed Parker out of the center lanes for the semis. Did you time them?” 

Mikoshiba nodded and grinned. “Parker looked like he was moving backwards and Nanase’s spray wouldn’t have helped him. I’m guessing from the times, he’ll be drawn in lane two or seven. He’ll go out in the semis. The American from the last race was a lot faster.” 

“Faster than Haru?” Rin asked. 

Mikoshiba’s grin grew wider. “Nope. I think both you and Nanase are medal contenders.” 

Rin’s eyes widened. He’d never expected to do more than compete at the Olympics. That alone had fulfilled his dad’s dream. The idea of a medal had never crossed his mind. 

Mikoshiba gave him a stern look. “Keep focused, Matsuoka, and don’t do your erratic trick out of nerves.” 

Rin nodded and stood up, ready to meet Haru and return to the village. “I’ll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Rin was expecting that...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Olympic stuff and a violent meeting.

In the end, Matsuoka went through to the finals and Nanase pushed Parker out in the semis and also went through to the final. The final would be between him and the American, who won the other semi. Suzuki was hanging over Mikoshiba’s shoulder. “Times, man, times!”

Mikoshiba rolled his eyes. “Give me a moment here.” He glanced at his notebook and his eyes widened. “Nanase could beat him.” 

Yonaga was calmer than Suzuki and leaned across to take a look. “Not much in it. Best not to tell either Nanase or Matsuoka the times though. Don’t want to overexcite them.” 

Mikoshiba chuckled. “Nanase never has cared about times. He simply doesn’t like anyone else ahead of him, even Matsuoka can’t pull too far away when they race, and I’ve never seen anyone else get close. How’s the relay coming along?” 

“We had our first practice this morning,” Suzuki told him. “No fuck ups on exchanges which we were all a bit concerned about and the Americans are going to be hard to beat.” 

Yonaga nodded. “They’ve got strength in depth and can save their best swimmers for the final where we just have the one team.” 

“What about the Australians?” Mikoshiba asked. “I get the feeling that’s a bit of a grudge match.” 

Suzuki nodded. “There seems to be some history between three of the Australian swimmers and Matsuoka.” 

Yonaga sighed. “At least one was pushed out early. But the nastier two are still in the relay and their friend hasn’t gone home yet.” 

Mikoshiba frowned. “Are you implying they might try something against Matsuoka?” 

Suzuki ran a hand through his blond hair. “They watch him all the time. If you were to ask me, I’d say they’re just waiting for a chance to get him alone and beat the shit out of him.” 

Yonaga nodded. “Something is going on, that’s for sure. I think Nanase knows the truth as he’s like a mother cat with one kitten, won’t let Matsuoka out of his sight.” 

Mikoshiba scratched his head. “Well, one of them has no further business being here so we can get rid of him.” 

Suzuki shook his head. “We suggested that but both of them want him here until the other two have finished their events. It’s like they want to know where all three of the bastards are.” 

Mikoshiba sighed. “Damn. Okay, I guess all we can do is keep an eye on the situation and step in if needed.” 

Yonaga grinned. “So, finals this evening and I can’t wait. I’m certain they’re both medal prospects.” 

Suzuki grimaced. “A pity we both went out in the semis.” 

Mikoshiba laughed. “Don’t worry about that. You two gained the highest positions of any Japanese swimmers in those strokes. Stop kicking yourselves. With Matsuoka and Nanase on side you’ll get your revenge in the relay. You might even get a medal each out of it.” 

Suzuki grinned. “Wouldn’t that be something?” 

Yonaga stood up. “Guess we’d better get back to the village and relax before this evening’s excitement.” 

Mikoshiba agreed and dropped his stopwatch and notebook into his bag. They left the pool and took the shortcut through the Olympic Park to the shuttle buses to the village. Part of it led through a narrow alley and the three charged forward at what they saw. 

* 

Rin grabbed Haru and swung him off his feet. “You did it! You’re in the final!” 

Haru put up with this for all of ten seconds before saying in a tone of utter indifference, “So what? So are you.” 

“Yes, but… I still can’t believe I’m not dreaming or something.” 

Haru supposed there was a dreamlike quality to all they’d achieved. To even be here, in Rio de Janiero, at the Olympics, was unbelievable on some level. “I know what you mean,” he agreed. “Anyway, I think we should go back to the village, get some lunch then get some rest ready for this evening.” 

Rin nodded. “You’re right.” He put an arm round Haru’s shoulders and they headed towards the buses. 

“Well, well, well, I always knew you were queer, Rini-chan.” 

Haru and Rin came to an abrupt halt. Blocking the way through the alley were Parker, Patterson and Thompson. 

“What do you want this time?” Rin demanded. 

“Actually, I wanted to teach your butt buddy a lesson for knocking me out of the hundred meters free. You’re just the extra added attraction. Let’s get them, boys.” 

Haru dropped his bag and stood ready to take the three bullies on. He wanted to hurt them for what they’d done to Rin in Australia. Thompson went down quickly, nursing a throat bruised by Haru’s jab. 

Patterson grabbed Rin while Parker came for Haru. “You little bastard, you’ll pay for that, too.” 

Haru resumed his stance and waited for Parker to rush in. The tall blond received a roundhouse kick to the solar plexus that had him staggering back several feet. Haru heard the sound of running feet but paid them no mind. His full attention was on Parker. 

Patterson was dragged away from Rin by Mikoshiba and Suzuki stood over Thompson, keeping him well away from joining the fight. 

Parker backed down to superior numbers but did threaten Haru. “One day we’ll get you alone and make you pay for crossing us, mate.” 

Haru smiled. “I’ve already beaten you where it matters, ‘mate’, but I look forward to beating you again in the relay.” 

Mikoshiba made a spluttering sound from somewhere behind him. “They should be disqualified.” 

Haru shook his head. “No! I want to make sure he and Patterson realise, beyond any doubt, just how superior to them Rin really is.” 

“Haru…” Rin sounded amazed which made Haru smile. 

“Come on, Rin, let’s get back and have that lunch.” 

He picked up his bag, put his arm round Rin’s waist and guided the redhead towards the buses. When they were on the bus, Rin turned to him, his eyes wet with tears. “I’m such a fuck up, Haru. I don’t think I can swim tonight. Not after that. I’ve dragged you into my mess and…” 

Haru had heard enough. “Shut up, Rin. You are going to swim tonight and you’re going to get a medal for both you and your dad. Then we’re going to crush those assholes in the relay.” 

Rin stared at him for a moment then nodded and put an arm round him. “Okay,” he said then he chuckled. “It’s the duty of every good parent to teach their son karate.” 

Haru rolled his eyes. “It was my gran. She thought it would be good cross-training for my swimming.” 

Six hours later Haru watched on the television in the locker room as Rin lined up with the other butterfly finalists. “You can do this, Rin,” he murmured, “stay focused.” Then the swimmers were diving and it was up to his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay chapters coming a bit more regularly again. Don't think there is too much left to do on this one.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Rin triumph over his past?

The ready room would have been uncomfortable if Nanase Haruka gave even the slightest damn what Eric Parker or Colin Patterson thought of him. Rin was twitchy as the two kept staring at him but that was all they could do and he, Yonaga and Suzuki kept blocking their view of the redhead until they gave up.

It was the last day of the meet and they had beaten all the odds and got through to the medley relay final. None of them cared if the Americans beat them. They considered it an honor to be in the same pool as the powerhouse nation. The Australians were another matter, a grudge match that both sides were determined to win. 

Since the individual finals, the Australians had been even more twitchy than Rin was now. It must be hard for them to realize their grudge match team included two semi-finalists and two medalists. Haruka couldn't help it, he grinned across at Parker, the expression as evil as he could make it, and watched with great satisfaction as the Australian looked away in a hurry. 

Then it was time to go to their blocks and be introduced to the world at large. They acknowledged the crowd and the camera but their focus was on the pool and the job they had to do. Haruka almost wished Makoto and Nagisa were starting them off but then remembered Suzuki and Yonaga had done them proud in getting them all to the finals. 

They were under orders and Suzuki slid into the pool. This was it. Haruka nodded to Rin, who grinned back at him, and then the race was underway. Suzuki kept pace with the American and was well clear of the Canadian in third. The Australian was struggling to keep fourth place. The exchange went without a hitch and Yonaga was away. He lost some ground to the American but kept them in second place. The Australian made up some time and overtook the Canadian to pull them into third place. Rin was on their block while Patterson was on the Australian block. Haruka knew Rin wouldn't lose any time to him. Then there was no time as Rin dived at a perfect angle. Haruka smiled as he realized Rei would have been proud. He adjusted his goggles and concentrated on Rin. He wasn't interested in the relative positions of the other swimmers, he knew he could beat them all for Rin's sake. 

Rin touched the wall and Haruka dived hearing Rin's yell of "Haru!" as he went. He smiled, dolphin kicked, surfaced and swam the race of his life. He frowned as he received a shower of spray from the American. _No, not happening,_ he decided and kicked hard off the turn. He caught the spray factory and overtook him so he had clear water ahead. Then he saw that sight. It wasn't giving in to the water, it wasn't swimming like a dolphin or even swimming free. It was seeing Rin calling him home. He touched the wall and stared up at the results, wanting this for Rin. 

First, they had the gold! The Americans had silver and the Canadian's bronze. Parker had limped home in fourth place. They had to wait for drug tests and verification but he wasn't worried about that. 

"Well done!" A large hand was extended to him and he smiled and shook the American's hand. "Thank you." 

"With you and your fly swimmer, Japan is going to be a force to be reckoned with in Tokyo." 

Haruka frowned. Would he swim in four years? Then he shrugged. He would if Rin did, that was all there was to it. He swam for Rin and Rin swam for him. 

He climbed out of the pool and accepted his team's hugs with much better grace than he ever had at school. Suzuki and Yonaga had become almost as close as Makoto and Nagisa and had helped Rin without knowing why there was so much bad feeling between them and three of the Australian swimmers. 

Rin clung to him. "Haru, Haru," he murmured. "You gave me a gold. Thank you." 

Haru shook his head. "No, Rin, we all deserve the gold." 

Suzuki chuckled. "I think Matsuoka's trying to tell you that with any other anchor swimmer we would have got silver at best. We all owe you, Nanase." 

The old Haruka would have looked away, embarrassed and somewhat annoyed, but now he simply smiled and accepted the friendship and love of his team. 

* 

They were back in Japan, in their own apartment before Rin was able to approach Haru with any semblance of normalcy. They had not been able to touch each other while in Rio which, although good for their energy levels, had done nothing for his frustration. Frustration he was feeling on so many levels. He wanted Haru, yes, wanted to fuck him into the mattress, taste him, all that but also he wanted to feel Haru inside him yet that old fear kept him from asking. 

He kept opening his mouth then closing it again until Haru looked up from his unpacking and raised an eyebrow. "Spit it out, Rin, you're like a polar bear on hot coals!" 

It was so stupid, but he couldn't ask for another attempt. Instead he asked, "Would you like a cup of tea?" 

Okay so that hadn't worked. Haru was looking at him like an exasperated teacher. "No, thanks." 

Rin sighed. "I should be over all this shit!" 

Haru dumped his dirty laundry in the hamper and put his suitcase away before saying anything which made Rin feel even worse until his lover said, "You made huge strides in Rio. You came home with two gold medals, Rin."

"I'm not talking about the fucking medals, Haru. I'm not even talking about beating Parker and company. I'm talking about how I'm still affected by what they did to me. It's been years yet I still get flashbacks from time to time and it still stops me from letting you make love to me." 

Haru held out his arms. "Come here, Rin." 

Rin happily stepped into the circle of Haru's arms and reveled in the feel of his lover's hands lifting his shirt and running over bare skin. "It really doesn't matter to me who does what, Rin, just as long as you're here with me." 

Rin sighed. "It matters to me. I want you to take me, Haru, I want to feel you inside me. I want the feel of you to drive away the feel of them. Please, Haru, let's try again." 

And Haru, with his usual, wonderful understanding said, "Okay."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin does some thinking and gets it all wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter just to get Rin's head straight before the last chapter

It was their first morning at home and Rin awoke full of frustrated rage. Haru had tried again last night, with calm and loving patience he had attempted to make love to Rin and again the flashbacks had made Rin push his lover away, had turned a joyous homecoming into a miserable failure.

He threw off the bedclothes and swung his feet to the floor, ready for his morning run and some deep and serious thinking. Haru muttered something in his sleep before turning over and settling again. Rin dressed silently and disappeared out of the door. He grabbed his MP3 player, put on his trainers at the front door and stretched out his legs before starting to run. He picked a direction and ran his mind busy. 

He knew he’d made tremendous strides since leaving Australia. He had supportive friends, Parker and the others no longer terrified him, Haru was his boyfriend and he didn’t know what he would have done without the support of the raven-haired beauty. But Haru deserved someone who didn’t flinch away whenever he tried to accept Haru inside of him. 

He sighed and turned a corner. Should he leave Haru? He was fairly sure Makoto had always been interested and the tall brunet hadn’t abandoned Haru to swim in Australia. 

He was so lost in his thoughts and the music in his ear buds that he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him until he was grabbed and spun round to face a furious Haru. “Why did you sneak out alone?” 

He pulled the buds out of his ears. “I didn’t want to wake you. Besides I wanted to do some thinking.” 

“Thinking about what?” 

Rin sighed. “I’m no good to you. You need someone who doesn’t flinch away from you when you try to make love them, someone like Makoto.” 

To his surprise Haru burst out laughing before he became angry again. “Don’t think you know what’s best for me, Rin. I’ve told you many times, I’m happy for you to make love to me. As for Makoto…” Haru chuckled again. “Have you forgotten his engagement to your sister?” 

Rin stared at Haru, eyes wide. “Um, yes, actually I had. I just remembered how close the two of you were and the fact he was around for the years I was away.” 

Haru shook his head. “Makoto has always been like a brother to me, Rin, but he’s never managed to make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Hell, there were times he couldn’t even keep me in school. You, on the other hand, never gave up when you wanted something from me. You pestered me until I swam in your relay and you made me feel things about people other than myself.” 

Rin gazed at his lover, Haru’s words reverberating in his head. ‘You never gave up when you wanted something from me.’ Only this time he was giving up, wasn’t he? Suddenly determined he grinned. “Don’t you dare give up on training, Haru. You have some medals to defend in Tokyo.” 

One of Haru’s brows rose. “Is that right?” 

Rin took a step closer. “And later tonight you’re going to fuck me into the mattress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be the last. Thanks to everyone who stuck with this despite the long gaps between updates. Comments, as always, are welcome.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin overcomes his past and looks to the future.

Rin kept his eyes open wide as Haru kissed him tenderly. Seeing Haru above him instead of any Australians always helped. Haru would never hurt him so why was he still so afraid? Memories couldn’t hurt him and nor could his beautiful lover. His eyes narrowed. He was not going to have the rest of his life dictated by his past. It had to stop and it had to stop now.

Haru stopped kissing him and frowned. “What’s wrong, Rin?” 

“I was just thinking…” he didn’t get to finish his sentence as Haru sighed and pulled away from him. 

“I understand, you’re not ready for this yet.” 

Rin sat upright so fast he gave himself a crick in the neck. “Ouch! Damn it, Haru. That was not what I was thinking! Something just occurred to me and I think it might be the answer.” 

Haru was silent but he did move closer again. 

Rin waited to see if Haru was going to pull away or make any more silly assumptions before he continued. “When those bastards did what they did, they always covered my head or mouth in some way. They’d shove a towel in my mouth to keep me quiet or cover my head completely; almost like they wanted to pretend I was a girl or something. They never wanted to look at me, always took me from behind… What I’m trying to say here is I’ve only just figured a lot of that out. I believe if I can see your face, it will be fine.” 

Haru remained silent but he stroked a hand through Rin’s hair. “You really don’t have to do this you know, Rin,” he said eventually. 

“Yes, Haru, I do have to do this. I don’t want my life determined by what happened in the past. I want to move on, beyond all that. Will you help me?” 

Haru graced him with one of his rare smiles. “You know I’ll do whatever it takes to help you, Rin.” 

Rin nodded, satisfied. “Then you make love to me, face to face.” 

Haru gazed at him for long moments, obviously deep in thought. “Why didn’t we think of this before?” 

Rin shook his head. He’d needed to beat all his nemeses in the pool before he could even attempt this with any real hope of success. “It would have been too soon. It took going to the Olympics and being successful there to give me the courage to think about the past in enough detail to work this out.” 

Haru smiled at him. “That makes sense. So how do you want to do this? Jack-knifed or astride me? I think you riding me would allow you to take control.” 

Rin pulled his beautiful lover into a hug. “What would I do without you, Haru? You always know how to make things better. You always have, even when I was stupid enough to cut my wrists open.” And he still winced when he remembered the reactions of Gou and his mother when they found out what he’d done. 

Haru returned the hug before rolling onto his back. Rin ran his hands over that beautiful body until one of them came to rest on his cock. He could do this. He was damned if Eric Parker and his homies were going to ruin the rest of his life with Haru. 

He sat astride Haru’s hips, careful to keep his weight off the smaller man, and took hold of his cock. 

Haru handed him a tube of lube. “Since you won’t let go you may as well do the honors.” 

Rin grinned, put at ease by Haru’s dry remark, and took the tube of lube. He slathered a generous dollop onto his hands and coated Haru’s cock with a thick layer of the stuff. He stared down into those glorious blue eyes and knew he was going to do this. Slowly he lowered himself onto Haru’s erection, managing the feat only because Haru was gazing up at him and murmuring words of encouragement. 

It came as quite a surprise when Rin found he was filled to the brim and it didn’t hurt at all. He lifted up and came back down cautiously, testing for the usual agony. It didn’t come so he tried the move again just as Haru shifted position slightly. There was a jolt of something electric that ran along every nerve in his body and he gasped out Haru’s name. 

His lover looked very pleased with himself. “Found it,” he said and Rin realized what had just happened. After all, he made sure to find that spot in Haru every time. 

Wanting more of that electric feeling he moved up and down some more and groaned in pleasure as the feeling intensified. Haru added to the sensory overload by pumping his cock as he moved. 

It was far too good to last very long and Rin came with a cry of triumph just as he felt Haru come inside him. He collapsed against his lover murmuring his name over and over again. 

Once he got his breath back he rolled them both onto their sides and kissed Haru until they were both breathless. “Thank you for being so patient with me,” he whispered. 

Haru produced one of his patented half smiles. “Does that mean you want to do it again?” he asked. 

Rin almost yelled his answer “Hell, yeah!” Then he sobered and held Haru close. “How could they make something so wonderful so painful and ugly?” 

Haru snuggled against his chest as he said, “You know the answer to that, Rin. It wasn’t about sex, it was about control, bullying. They _wanted_ it to be painful and ugly. The main thing is, they didn’t win. You did in every way. ” 

Rin smiled into Haru’s night black hair. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” 

* 

It was a very special night, Rin decided. Seeing all his friends again was good. Showing off his medals was great but, what really clinched it for him was how happy Makoto made his sister. She had the same sappy expression on her face when she gazed at the tall brunet as he knew he had when he looked at Haru. 

It was also a pleasant surprise to see Nagisa and Aiichirou were still very much a couple. Nagisa was good for Ai as he brought the boy, no, young man now, out of his shell. Rei turned up with Mikoshiba Seijuurou in tow which was a huge surprise. 

Rin grinned at his old captain. “So, you finally came over to the dark side.” 

Sei grinned back. “Yeah, it was the cookies that did it. Well, the melon bread and barley tea.” 

The icing on the cake was when both Yonaga and Suzuki showed up and met the elementary school relay team. 

Haru was his usual quiet self but Rin knew him well enough to know he was enjoying the company and the evening. He was teasing both Nagisa and Gou the way he always had and listening to everyone’s stories. 

It was about halfway through the evening when Suzuki nudged him. “So, Yonaga and I are going to be defending our relay gold medals in Tokyo, and trying to improve on our individuals. Thing is though, we’re gonna need an anchor man and a fly swimmer. You guys want the job?” 

Rin glanced at Haru. “Well?” 

Haru gazed back then said, “I only swim free.” 

Rin couldn’t help it; he kissed Haru much to the delight of a squealing Gou and a cheering Nagisa. Suzuki looked confused until Rin broke off the kiss and grinned at him. “That’s Haru-speak for yes.” 

Suzuki and Yonaga high fived each other while Rin leaned closer to Haru. “Tokyo, here we come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm not that great at writing smut. I wanted it to be really special but not sure I pulled it off.
> 
> Well, dear readers, that's the end of the story. I might try something based on or around season 2 but I want to get to know more about Sousuke first. I'm almost certain he has a deep and dark secret. Momo is just adorbs.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who stayed with this to the end despite the long delays between chapters and thank you for all the comments and kudos. You made it worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be heading into an alternate universe very soon and diverging from canon altogether.


End file.
